Well, that was sure different. FatBoy's on holiday this week, so he's busy doing stuff around the house. At about 4:30 (bet you didn't know I can tell time!) he asked if I wanted to Go For A Ride? What a stoopidt question - OF COURSE!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

What he forgot to tell me is that he was taking me to The Dog Wash. I don't know if this was punishment or what, but when we arrived, he lifted me (with help) into a metal container and proceeded to squirt water and soap and rinse all over me. Then he tried (ha!) to blow dry me, but I was NOT going to fall for that. I tried my best to excape (is that how you spell it?) but they had me tied down with two harnesses, so I couldn't get away. Meanwhile, there was a tiny-tiny dog (looked more like a hotdog to me) sitting in a basket, laughing. Yes, she was laughing at me.

FatBoy used a couple chamois rags to dry me down, and then it was time to go home.

When we got home, there was an email in FatBoy's mailbox:

Hi Beta,

We sure did enjoy meeting you today. Boy did you look super when you left--You just about knocked our socks off! We can't wait until your next visit when special doggy treats await you!

Bow Wow,
DiRty DaWgz

The only part I don't understand is about "socks" - what are those?

what's a yoof-a-mism?

I heard FatBoy talking into The Magic Box again today, and he said "Beta's as dumb as a box of rocks. And that's an insult to the rocks." And then he laughed.

Then he said something about my elevator not going all the way to the top. Then he said I was several tacos short of a combination plate.

I don't know what ANY of this means. Why can't he speak Dog, like everyone else around here?

I'm working on an ad I hope to sneak into the local newspaper:

"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours."

Okay .. I actually found this ad on the Internet, written about 3 years ago by some humans associated with the Atlanta Humane Society, whatever that is. It was written by one of my cousins, a female black Lab named Daisy.

Word is that 15,000+ humans called in response to that ad, but I'm suspicious.

Purina Naturals for cats

Purina Naturally Complete for Dogs

I'm not much into Change. Routines make me happy. FatBoy change my dog food. Me now eat Purina Natually Complete. It very yummy. I notice he change food for small dogs with long tail to Purina Naturals. Both "black one" and "fat one" like it muchly. What is "cat" anyway?

Now, I'm hungry. Woof woof.

Okay, I don't get the joke. FatBoy just put this on his car, then took me out to see it. What does it say? Doesn't he know that I can't read? Or laugh?

Dog Smarter Bumper Sticker

When FatBoy asked "do you want to take a break?!?!" I happily hopped to the backdoor. He didn't tell me that he had the backyard redone overnight.

Now, there's white paint (or something) covering some parts of the ground. Not sure I like it. It's cold, but tastes pretty good. Maybe it could stand a little beef seasoning?

There are times when no court would ever convict me, if I simply gnawed FatBoy to death while he slept. This is inhumane, no matter how you slice it.

I think I figured out why FatBoy likes the little dogs better than me; they've learned how to do something called "purr". Apparently it involves rubbing up against something (either a cardboard box, or furniture) and making a low, rumblng sound. Maybe they're hungry? FatBoy keeps their food bowls out of my reach, so I can't tell if they're out of food. And no, they are NOT welcome to eat MY food (which is kept at ground level) ... I'm not much into sharing food. It's okay to share the couch .. they can even touch my butt if they want, but I draw the line when it comes to chow.

Still, I must learn the secrets of this "purr" thing.

I don't think it's related to Purrina (the name on the bags of food) but I'm not yet sure what to make of it.

Meanwhile, I have a new hobby, but FatBoy doesn't know it yet. I'm learning to install "Puppy Linux", which would be easier if I had opposable thumbs. More on this later ...

I'm bummed. Yesterday, I got to see Dr. Freeze and today, the two small dogs (with the long tails) had their turn.

Seems that FatBoy was waiting for a conference call to begin, and noticed that both of their rabies vaccinations expired today. I guess those vaccines are very precise, and if he'd waited until just after midnight, they might've contracted rabies and come looking to bite ME!

Anyway, he did that over his lunch break today, so now I can sleep easier. Whew! That was a close call. Guess I should figure out how to complain about FatBoy to the SPCA of Texas.

FatBoy didn't give me more than 30 seconds to prep myself, but I got to see my Bestest Friend In The Whole World Today: Doctor Vet!

Going there only twice a year doesn't give me a lot of time to talk to my friend. I'd like to explain my insecurities and feeling of inadequacy, but FatBoy's usually concerned with making sure Dr. Vet sticks enough needles in me, and pours stuff up my nose, that I can't concentrate.

Quibble: even though I'm fur-lined, Dr. Vet's stethoscope always seems on the cold side. I wonder if he stores it in that mini-fridge in between appointments?

While I was there today, I saw One Of My People, although I suspect she's a different race. She was a Chocolate Lab, and since her skin color's different from mine, I must find a way to hate her appropriately. I tried barking and screeching and even attempted to dislocate FatBoy's arm, but nothing worked .. I couldn't get to her! I must practice.

Since FatBoy didn't give me time to prepare (I could've used a Furmination) I wasn't ready to provide The Sample (you know -- stool) that Dr. Vet seems to adore. But, as soon as I got home, I went into the backyard and provided the most enormous, fragrant sample I could squeeze out. FatBoy seemed very pleased, even gathering a bit into a plastic bag. I'm guessing he wanted it for his collection.

There are times when it's really nice not having a brain.

My best friend Miles was here the past several weeks, and he left Friday afternoon. While he was here, I had a great time running and jumping with him, not to mention sleeping next to him at night, butts touching.

Now that he's gone, well, I don't miss him (because I have no brain). I didn't wander through the house and backyard looking for him. As long as my food dish is full when I'm hungry, and my water dish is full when I'm thirsty, I'm a happy camper.

Now, it's time for a nap.

Miles left a few weeks ago, but FatBoy told me (this morning) that he's returning tomorrow for a longer visit.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!!

Why is it that when Miles comes to visit, he has to sleep with his butt cheek touching mine?

I'm thinking of putting my info up on Dogster

"Dog photo web pages. Dog breed pictures and information, dog stories, dog photo galleries, puppy pix, puppy gallery, cute fun puppies! Free dog web pages, bio, stories and news."

but I'm not sure if FatBoy would approve.

Being a black Lab, my intro would be something like:

"I'm a 5 year old black bitch. Wanna party?"

Last night, I was in the backyard around midnight, and heard a sound in the bushes. Being the curious critter that I am, I went to investigate, and saw the oddest looking dog I've ever seen! The dog barked at me, but it sounded really weak (more like a hiss), so I picked it up and carried it to the back door, so that FatBoy would be proud of me:


Needless to say, my new friend was tired, and fell asleep. 

I was tired, too, so I went inside and slept in the air conditioning. But - the next morning, I noticed that my new friend had vanished! FatBoy seemed relieved, and mentioned something about "Playing Possum". That must be a new game he's going to teach me. I can hardly wait!!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!

I never met Books, but I bet I would've liked him. Books was the Bookstore Dog at NerdBooks in Richardson. To hear FatBoy tell it, Books was a chocolate Lab(rador Retriever).

Apparently, Books the Dog died a few days ago. His owner, Dave, is mourning the loss, after bringing Books with him to work thousands of times, both in their California location and now in Richardson.

FatBoy gave me an extra hug today, and looked just a bit sad when he told me the news.

I wonder what happened to Alejandra? It's been more than a few weeks since she and her daughter, Maria, came here to clean the house. I used to love barking at the vacuum cleaner! Maybe they voluntarily went back across the Rio Grande, to live Happily Ever After?

Meanwhile, I was surfing the `net while FatBoy was away, and wandered across this: Baby Names - Beta. Does this mean that I'm Greek? I thought I was Canadian (Labrador)??

okay, exactly who is this "Dino" person that I'm supposedly so much alike?

every once in awhile (daily) I hear a vicious human outside, armed with an Uzi or a baseball bat, and I awake from my slumber in order to chase off this Evil Doer. this necessitates running at high speed from one end of the house to another, often running into/through one of the small dogs (with the long tails) or sometimes FatBoy.

FatBoy then says "Dino!!!" and starts laughing. I don't get the joke. And, being a canine, I'm incapable of laughter.

So stop it with the Dino references, okay?

I wish FatBoy would make up his mind. Thankfully, he gives me the same brand of food all the time - Beneful Healthy Radiance formula. I don't like change. I'm a dog, in case he didn't notice. We dogs like routine.

What annoys me (and maybe he'll read my blog, since he obviously doesn't understand my spoken word) is that he gets different kinds of treats. Most of the time, he comes home with those heart-shaped treats from Petsmart - vegetable or shark flavor. Don't get me wrong - they're crunchy and tasty - but then the next day he'll give me one of those all-natural peanut butter treats from Whole Foods Market. Don't get me wrong - they're crunchy and tasty - but then the next day he'll give me those heart-shaped treats from Petsmart - vegetable or shark flavor.

Don't get me wrong - they're crunchy and tasty - but then the next day he'll give me one of those all-natural peanut butter treats from Whole Foods Market. Don't get me wrong - they're crunchy and tasty - but then the next day he'll give me those heart-shaped treats from Petsmart - vegetable or shark flavor. Don't get me wrong - they're crunchy and tasty - but then the next day he'll give me one of those all-natural peanut butter treats from Whole Foods Market.

Oops .. here he comes .. gotta go! More later on this Very Important Subject.