While FatBoy was out, I was web surfing, and found this site: Sam ... World's Ugliest Dog

Yeesh! That is one U-G-L-Y mutt.

Jill Bob sent FatBoy an email with some Cat Haiku: how revolting. He laughed, but I didn't see the humor.

Since I recently learned to use A9, I easy found some Dog Haiku that's much more on target. Maybe I'll write some of my own?

Dammit, Janet! FatBoy tricked me - again!

Here he was, praising me and telling me what a Good Girl I am, then he leaned over and <squirt> he put that flea stuff between my shoulder blades, where I can't reach to lick it off. Argh!

Then, he tricked me again by offering a treat, which turned out to be that heartworm prevention pill. It tastes like chalk! I know it tastes like chalk because I used to eat chalk when I was young.

Oh well, what's done is done. I'll not fall for this trick again next month! (or will I?)

Arooooooooooo!!

Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark.

<pant pant pant>

Bark bark bark.

<fart>

I thought FatBoy was taking me for a ride, but we ended up at the vet. Apparently I weigh 83.5 pounds now.

The vet's a nice enough guy, but I swear he keeps that stethoscope in the freezer before listening to my heartbeat. He then took me to the back room (out of FatBoy's sight) and took a blood sample (something about "heartworm test"). Then, he stuck me with needles - 3 times, then poured some liquid up my nose (yeesh - I hate that!). He pointed another instrument in each ear, then yet another instrument to check my eyes.

I guess I'm healthy, since he let me leave (after FatBoy signed something - what's a Visa Card, anyway?). Now, I'm back home and feeling just a little woozy .. time for a nice nap.

Across the street, a yellow van pulled up to the neighbor's home. I hadn't seen that one before. On the side, it says "Soggy Doggy Mobile Dog Grooming". Hmmm. I wonder what they do?

For the past several years, I've seen a purple "Pet Love" van stop by once every few weeks.

I wonder how hard it was to change the van color from purple to yellow?

something must be up: today, FatBoy put 3 Hawaiian leis around my neck. There's one of each: red, blue and white. Then he stood back to look and laugh at me, like he'd accomplished something spectacular. What a putz!

a new human came by today, and she smelled of Another Dog. I think she told FatBoy that she had a German Shepherd Dog at home, but I could be mistaken. I've learned to be careful when humans come into the house, and they're armed. Still, she didn't look like she wanted to hurt anyone.

I tried to jump on her, to show how much I wanted to play, but she seemed to be All Business. When's FatBoy gonna bring someone home that I can just play with? Harumph.

I don't know what it is about small dogs with long tails, but they're not welcome in my yard. Since you probably read my blog, allow me to address you directly:

The two small dogs who live with me (the black one and the fat one) are okay. They both let me chase them sometimes, or we run through the house together. But you neighborhood dogs come into my yard (even under the pecan tree in the backyard!) and I never, ever gave you permission to do so.

Maybe if I could just bark (talk) to you, we could reach an understanding. I'll stay inside the house, except when FatBoy lets me into the backyard for some R&R, and you stay the heck off my property!

Don't think I don't see you taking a dump in our flower beds, or sitting under the tree waiting for a squirrel to come into range! And yes, I know that you can catch and kill a squirrel when I can't (you're smaller and quieter), but don't think for a moment that I'm granting you a free pass.

I'm watching you, Dog. Maybe one day we can chat (bark) about how our roles are defined?

Okay, that's done. I've had my say. Now, time to go back to guarding the house.

Ah, fresh food. I polished off the last of the Beneful (Shiny Coat Formula) and FatBoy opened a new bag, so I'm sated for now.

I'm so glad he learned to leave the food in the bag, rather than dumping it into that plastic container. He has no idea how that plastic taste leaches into the food after a couple weeks. I might as well be eating a Barbie Doll: blech.

I wonder if FatBoy has read this article: American Kennel Club - AKC eNewsletter. Since I get to stay inside most of the time (in the air conditioning) I've never been too bothered by the Texas summer.

Yesterday, I saw FatBoy looking at one of those mail order catalogs, and heard him laugh. Later, when he went on one of his errands, I looked at the catalog and saw he was looking at a dog watering device, triggered by a motion sensor whenever I'd walk over to it. Yeah, right. Like I have the brains to use that.

FatBoy's never, ever given me a bath but I think I smell pretty dern good. I've sniffed the butts of a few long-haired dogs over the years, and they reeeeek!

Still, my favorite sniff was The Goat at the Richardson Animal Shelter (where FatBoy found me). I wish I could've spent more time with him (her?) as the bleats were unlike anything else I've experienced.

Today's the 15th .. that means I'll probably get squirted with that anti-flea stuff again. Yeesh.

Something's going on outside; FatBoy won't open the curtains, but I can hear Big Things Out There. This started at exactly 7am (FatBoy doesn't know I can read the clock just as well as he can).

He hasn't mowed the backyard grass in over a month, and it's getting a bit spooky in some parts of the yard. I'm doing my best to keep The Evil Spirits away, but one has taken over, just outside the back door. I can smell it whenever I go outside. This rivets my attention, and sometimes I can't even remember to whiz or poop. This is all so very confusing.

Okay, so one thing's good about living here with the two small dogs (with the long tails): AIR CONDITIONING. It was 100 degrees outside, but only 78 inside so I spent as much time as possible crashed on the cool marble floors. I'm too short to reach the thermostat, but FatBoy seems to check them often enough.

It must be the 15th. I hate it when FatBoy puts on the latex gloves. I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am, and I know what he's up to .. he's gonna squirt some of that Frontline+ between my shoulder blades where I can't reach it. I don't know what it does, but it makes my back feel oogie.

FatBoy left me alone from 8-noon, when he stopped by to let me out for 2 minutes (what a nice touch) while he fetched the mail. To thank him for leaving me with Those Mutant Dogs (the short ones with the long, purring tails), I took a small dump in the library.

He returned about 7pm and was in for the night, alternating snoozing on the couch, doing something on the computer and text-messaging some friends. At least he remembered to change my (our?) water and feed me.

This new Beneful ("Healthy Radiance" formula) tastes good; it's supposed to keep my fur shiny so I don't itch as much.

I'd been outside for awhile, but when FatBoy let me inside, I whizzed on the carpet, about 10 feet away from where he was on the computer. Now he's angry.

He cleaned it up with the WetVac and sprinkled some of that Arm & Hammer Deodorizer on it, then vacuumed it. Can barely tell I whizzed. Next time, I won't be so loud. Maybe it'll have a chance to soak in before he discovers it.

FatBoy brought home a 6-inch long beef bone yesterday. It tasted okay for awhile, but it's lost it's scent, so I think I'll just leave it somewhere and forget about it.